Marriage
Advice on How to
Improve Your Relationship and Love your Partner
Every
marriage
is different, with problems relative to the type of relationship that
exist. But if you take advice from the
Bible on how to truly love in
your relationship, any marriage, regardless of its problems, can be
improved.
So you've
been married a while
now and things are'nt going the way you expected. Your wife nags, your
husband is never at home, or worse, he's at home all the time and not
contributing to the household. There's absolutely no
communication, except in an argument and hurtful words are flying left,
right and centre.
Now you're thinking "did I
really sign up for this?" "Do I have to stay here and take
this nonsense?" "Maybe we need to go our separate ways".
And then the D word comes up - DIVORCE!
But
is divorce the answer? Admittedly, in some circumstances,
divorce may be the only answer to certain marital problems, but there
is always an alternative way to try and improve things for the better,
if only you are willing to make the sacrifice. Knowing how to
keep
the love in your marriage is simple once you understand what
true love is.
LOVE
DEFINED
My
oxford dictionary defines love as:
deep
affection, fondness; sexual passion; sexual relations; delight
in, admire, greatly cherish.
The Bible also has three ways
to define love:
- Eros - sexual love
- Philia - brotherly love
- Agape - caring love
These words are Greek in which
the New Testament was written.
Now,
which
one of these loves did you feel for your mate in the early stages of
your relationship? Was it just sexual love? Did you develop a
friendship? Did you really care for him/her?
A
happy
marriage cannot survive on one type of love alone. There must
be a combination of the three.
Love
is patient and kind.
Love
is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.
Love
does not demand its own way.
Love
is not irritable and keeps no record of when it has been wronged.
It
is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
Love
never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures
through every circumstance.
Love
will last forever.
(I
Corinthians 13:4-7, New International Version)
If you develop this type of
love for your spouse everything will fall into place and you will be on
the road to improving your relationship. It is going to take
some work, but a marriage needs to be worked at. The feelings
you had for your spouse when you first met will not last forever.
And I'm talking about the nice tingly, butterflies in your
stomach, cannot sleep at night because I'm thinking about you, cannot
wait to be with you type of feelings.
You
need to
grow your marriage. It needs nurturing and care.
You need to understand each other. The difficulties
you encounter are all part of the learning experience. Don't
use it to find fault but to find answers so when other challenges crop
up you will know how to deal with them effectively.
ADVICE FROM THE BIBLE
Ephesians 5:22-33
tells how a
marriage should really work.
You
wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For
a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body,
the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church
submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to youf husbands in
everything.
(verses
22-24).
As
in any
institution - and marriage is an institution - there needs to be a
head, you know, like a CEO. You cannot have people doing what
they want without someone there to take control and lead, otherwise
there will be chaos. So to in a marriage, there needs to be a
CEO, and that is the husband, to lovingly take
control and lead the family.
We
know
that men generally misuse this role and use it to abuse and misuse
thier wives. But submission does not mean that the woman is a
slave and has no say whatsoever. She is there to help the
husband carry out his responsibilities of making the marriage, and the
family on a whole, a success. Just as in a business, teamwork is
necessary but the final decision should lie with the CEO.
And
you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the
church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and
clean, washed by baptism and God's word... husbands ought to love their
wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually
loving himself when he loves his wife. No one hates his own
body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body which
is the church.
(verses
25-29)
A woman needs to know that she
is loved, and once she receives that love she will be happy, and can
easily fulfill her role at helping the man run the marriage institution.
So again I
say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must
respect her husband.
(verse 33).
In
the same
way a woman needs love, a man needs respect. Respect his
decisions even if you may not necessarily agree with it.
Respect his right to privacy. A man does not like
to be questioned and probed and prodded. You will find that
if you leave him alone a little a while, he'll eventually open
up to you.
True
love
and respect in a marriage will have to be developed and nurtured over a
period of time. It will take a lot of sacrifice and patience.
Mistakes will be made, but these are meant to be learnt from
and not repeated.
Follow
the
advice in Ephesians 5 and you are on your way to improving
your marriage.
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